Who is in, who is out

Heather is a dear friensd of ours and she just went out of state to visit her dad while he dies.
It's a natural thing and I think they did it in a good way.
I got to see my father rot away by cancer drugs and with little or no ceremony or even good counsling.
I hope it's ok to share her experience:
Hi, all - I arrived safely in California again on Thursday, and my
sister-in-law, and aunt & uncle picked me up at the airport. As most
of you know, my father was diagnosed with kidney cancer in
mid-february, had an operation to remove a tumor and his kidney
February 27th, and spent a week in the hospital. He enjoyed two weeks
of relatively good and pain-free health, then began to decline last
Sunday. I spent most of last week with him and my mom, first in the
ER, then in the hospital after he was admitted. He continued to
decline, and tests indicated that the cancer had metasticized to his
liver, lungs, and possibly his pancreas. The hospital sent him home
for hospice care on Thursday, and Mom & I took turns looking after
him.

Dad spent most of Thursday alert and relatively cheerful, visiting
with friends, relatives, and former students, including his best
friend since elementary school, my Uncle Joe. (He and my dad were best
friends who went to college together, and there met two sisters that
they later married, my mom and my aunt.) He had a restless, disturbing
night, and we again took turns looking after him. He refused all food
and took very little liquid, and his breathing was rapid and shallow
and raspy.

By Friday morning he took no food or liquid, and could only use
sentences of 3-4 words, or answer direct questions. My mother wanted
to call my brother and sister-in-law home from work, and I told him
"Dad, Mom wants to call Michael and Valerie. Is that what you want? Do
you want to see them?" He said "Yes." It was one of the last things he
ever said. He could no longer swallow or take pills, so we called the
advice nurse and she told us to begin liquid morpine. From that time
on, I crushed his antianxiety pills up, and dissolved them in the
morphine, giving it to him from an eyedropper.

Michael & Valerie came home, and we all took turns holding his hands,
talking to him, and sitting by his bed. The social worker, a Buddhist,
came as soon as she heard and talked to him about what a wonderful
life he'd had, and that it was okay for him to continue on his journey
and for us to let him go. Later the hospice nurse came to take his
vital signs, advise us on how to keep him comfortable and what
medications/dosages to give.

Dad's sister, mother, and his nieces/nephews came to visit and say
goodbye. A former student (now a teacher himself) stopped by to tell
Dad what an inspiration he had been, and how much he would miss him.
We stayed by him all that day and into the evening, eating and
drinking in rotation and tracking all his symptoms and medications. We
sat by his bed and talked to him.

Dad died at 9:28 pm Friday night. We checked his carotid and wrist
pulse to no avail, and neither heard nor felt any breathing. We called
the funeral director (Dad insisted on arranging everything
beforehand), and said goodbe to him when they took him away.
We are meeting on Monday to arrange the Memorial Service, and will
take care of any other arrangements next week.

Thank you so much to everyone who has been there for me during this.
This is the hardest thing I've ever done - many of you know that my
father has always been one of my personal heroes, and this is
devastating. I couldn't have the strength to do it without your
encouragement and support. I will keep you posted, and let you know
when I will be able to return to Portland. With love & gratitude,
Heather